On Anxiety and the Zombification of Midlife

At this particular stage in my life, I'm often afflicted with poor sleep.  With visions of doom and gloom, I will awaken at 3am, soaked in sweat and wracked with dread.  Sleep is so elusive some nights that I drift through the afternoons like a zombie, drowning myself in caffeine.  I am told by my friends and the internet literature that increased anxiety and insomnia is par for the course for a woman on the brink of 50.  If so, I hope this stage goes quickly!    

Without a doubt, this hormonal roller coaster is impacting my sense of hope and optimism.  Instead of feeling strong, I find myself paralyzed with fright and negative thoughts.  Yet I know that fear comes from the Enemy.  I need to remember to turn my battles over to the Lord.  I often forget to ask Him to fight for me:

Psalm 35:1  "Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me!"

I forget that the battle is not won by my own brute strength - fighting entirely ALONE - but through the Lord's power and strength.  There are many verses in scripture that can encourage me to rely on God when I am distressed:

1 Samuel 30:6 - "And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters.  But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God."  

David was beyond distressed.  He was bereft and overwhelemed with panic.  His two wives had just been taken captive and the city had been burned by the Amalekites.  The people were angry with him.  He didn't even know if his wives were alive.  Many wives, sons, and daughters had been kidnapped by the enemy.  The Bible says everyone was weeping:

(v.4) -  "Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep."  And yet, David looked to the Lord.  David reached out to God for guidance and strength.  

He asks the Lord if he should pursue the Amalekites FIRST....before retaliating, and the Lord says 'Pursue, for you shall surely overtake and shall surely rescue.' (v. 8)

When David and his men attack, he is victorious: (v. 17) - "And David struck them down from twilight until the evening of the next day, and not a man of them escaped, except four hundred young men, who mounted camels and fled."  And he recovered all the kidnapped wives and children, and all the livestock that had been captured.  

The message in this old testament story is that God will lead us to victory.  When we are feeling that we can't face the battle ahead, we need only cry out to him first, before we draw our "swords" and fight.  We need to arm ourselves with His Word before we take our position at the frontline.  Just like David, we need to strengthen ourselves in the Lord BEFORE battle; which is why I'm here, digging deep into His Word for help.  I must remember...

Psalm 28:7:  The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him."